You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
