You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Let's paint friendship bongs
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Randomize
