If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Randomize
