well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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