Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
