i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
