I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I AM VODKA MAN
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I can't put those talents on a resume
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
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