Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize