i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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