Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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