So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
