i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
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