I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Randomize
