hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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