My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
