I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
