My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Randomize
