I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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