Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize