Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
You pole danced in your parka.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Randomize
