I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Randomize
