Who wears a wallet chain?!
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
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