He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
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