just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize