I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize