i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Randomize
