38 yer olds are good kisserssss
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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