I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
