the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
