The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Randomize
