Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
