told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Randomize
