Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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