I think my fart just growled at me.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
All the doctor said was why
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Randomize
