just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
