Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
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