he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
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