im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
