Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
