they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
