omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
