My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Randomize