dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Randomize
