Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
i used baking grease as lip gloss
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Randomize
