Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Randomize
