Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
