well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
