it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
we're so committed to being not committed
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
