Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
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