i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I can't put those talents on a resume
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
