someone get that fucking seahorse.
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
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