Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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