Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
