It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
