Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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