He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Damn victory sex feels great
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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