worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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