Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
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