I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Randomize
