I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Randomize
