I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
