Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
there is puke in my bra ... again
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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