when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
