Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Oh god it's open bar.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
