There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
two words...techno handjob
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
They are going to name an STD after you.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.â€
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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