I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Can vaginas get frostbite?
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
