Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
