I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
