Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
you win again, gameday.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
