you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
