...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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