pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
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